She Continues (Written April 27, 2018)

She Continues

In spite of these many obstacles,
such as poor memory,
failing eyesight, shortness of breath,
chronic weakness in the legs, dizziness

Brought on by a diuretic given to counter
the shortness of breath,
bowels that are sometimes overactive,
sometimes locked in place for days
on end, with no relief in sight,

In spite of all this, she continues,
every morning,
to get up, write in her journal,
meditate, stretch, jot down
her agenda for the day, get dressed,

Make her way, slowly, down the stairs,
holding tight
to the railing and the newly installed
“grip” – in case her head swims
and her body wants to fall.

She continues to find reasons
to go on living,
foremost being concern for her family
and what sort of legacy she might leave
if she were to do away with herself.

She continues to want to get out
and do things,
meet a friend for a cup of coffee,
go to a movie, take in a play,
drive somewhere to watch the sunset.

She continues to enjoy the outdoors,
sitting on the back deck,
watching the tulips come up,
the allium, and the scilla. She continues.

It’s All Right (Written April 20, 2018)

It’s All Right

A cry rises from the bedroom at the top of the stairs,
then a thud.
The house seems to shudder, then become
settled again, the way a ship, when it hits a rock

Underwater, or a long-forgotten sunken treasure,
or debris
from a previous shipwreck, will wobble
a moment, before regaining its balance
and moving on. It may be damaged, but not

Fatally, it’s hoped. More than likely it’s nothing
to worry about,
and there’s no need to tell anybody, no need
to broadcast the news, which would only cause
unnecessary panic, adding to the loss of life,

When the ship finally does sink, as it must,
in time.
Think of all the passengers, in the ship’s hold,
asleep, unaware of the unfolding catastrophe.
Why wake them with cries for help,

When there’s nothing they can do,
in the end,
but watch as fate works its way out?
A trip to emergency might be in order,
and then again it might not be.

Once the house shakes and shudders, even though
it steadies again,
it will never be the same. Something has happened
and the beams and the walls will not forget.
She may die in her sleep, or while meditating,

Or while taking a shower, or coming down the stairs.
She may faint
or have a stroke, she may die tomorrow,
but it’s all right, she says, she’s ready.

Ode to Cats (Written April 13, 2018)

Ode to Cats

The woman steps onto the back deck
with a flashlight,
searches the ground below the picket fence
but finds nothing out of the ordinary.

In her dream there were three cats,
including her own Ginger,
sitting close together under the fence,
transfixed by something happening
just on the other side, some animal,

Some commotion that was both intriguing
and frightening.
In the beam of the flashlight she could see
what it was, a snake almost hidden
in a pile of leaves, only the large head

Plainly visible. She told herself
stay calm,
there are no poisonous snakes
where we live, but for the cats
the danger, or the fear, had more

To do with being swallowed alive,
or strangled.
First Ginger, then the others jumped
onto the deck, seeking protection.
Should she let them into the house,

Until the danger had passed?
The tricolor cat
seemed ready to stand his or her ground,
but the little white cat, a kitten,
trembled in fear. Animals are no different

From humans in their ability to feel
pain and pleasure,
misery and happiness, fear and its opposite,
though humans have the ability to name
what they feel, and to stew over it.

Some cats are young, some cats are old,
some cats are tame,
some cats are wild, some cats are friendly
and some are not. Every unfriendly cat
has a story to tell, of what makes him

The way he is, or she. Friendly cats too
have a history,
which would include, almost without
exception, being well loved.

Strangers in the Night (Written April 6, 2018)

Strangers in the Night

It’s not the first time she’s told me
the story of her life,
and I’m sure it won’t be the last.
“You don’t have to listen to this,”

She says, not sure whether or not
I’ve heard it before.
After twenty-five years together,
we still feel, at times, like strangers
who have just met at some

Concert or film and are trying,
to get to know each other. I take
whatever I want from her story,
whatever strikes me, and I feel less

Distant from her, though I know there are
vast areas
where neither one of us wants to go.
We are passengers on a bus, travelling
to a place we’ve never been, excited,

In a heightened state of awareness,
but at the same time
wary of what awaits us, unsure
if we will be able to tell the difference
between what is real and what is not real.

She had a full, rich life before we met,
most of which
I know nothing about and never will.
So who is she? My wife, but that’s just
a fact. Inside her head, where she lives,

Who is she? It’s not her intention,
I’m sure,
to shut me out, but every day
she remembers less and less.

Don’t Even Ask (Written March 30, 2018)

Don’t Even Ask

This could mean two things.
A friend might have called
and invited her out for a cup of coffee,
and she said yes, because she’s been feeling

Isolated and depressed. Or she might have had
another angina attack,
more severe than usual, and called an ambulance.
I was only gone an hour, running a few errands,
because we were out of some essentials,

Such as milk, bread, butter, eggs, bird feed,
and some kind of protein.
The cat was waiting for me when I opened the door
and gave me an openly defiant look, as if to say,
I don’t know where she went, don’t even ask.

I looked upstairs, in both bedrooms, searched
the basement,
in case she might have fallen down the stairs,
but it was obvious the house was empty.
It felt empty. All the energy was drained out of it,

Like an empty, upside-down water bottle.
I would have thought
that she would leave a note, or something,
telling me where she was, if she was going to go
away like that. But I suppose, if it was an emergency,

She might not have had time. So here I am,
not sure what to do.
Maybe she’s in the studio, but that’s not likely,
with the path still covered in ice and a dusting of snow.
She hasn’t been to the studio for weeks, for months,

So why today of all days would she decide to wander
out back?
It’s not as if she’s run out of ideas, and can’t think
what she wants to do next. She just doesn’t have
the strength she used to have. For a long time

She worked in oil pastels but now she “inhabits boxes,”
as she describes it.
I liked the oil pastels, because of the way she could create
such deep, rich colors and such interesting textures.
The trouble is that oil pastels, like spray paints,

Can be hazardous to the health, so I don’t blame her.
It’s true no doubt
that her confusion stems in part from inhaling noxious
chemicals. If she’s not in the studio, I’ll call the hospital.