Don’t Even Ask (Written March 30, 2018)

Don’t Even Ask

This could mean two things.
A friend might have called
and invited her out for a cup of coffee,
and she said yes, because she’s been feeling

Isolated and depressed. Or she might have had
another angina attack,
more severe than usual, and called an ambulance.
I was only gone an hour, running a few errands,
because we were out of some essentials,

Such as milk, bread, butter, eggs, bird feed,
and some kind of protein.
The cat was waiting for me when I opened the door
and gave me an openly defiant look, as if to say,
I don’t know where she went, don’t even ask.

I looked upstairs, in both bedrooms, searched
the basement,
in case she might have fallen down the stairs,
but it was obvious the house was empty.
It felt empty. All the energy was drained out of it,

Like an empty, upside-down water bottle.
I would have thought
that she would leave a note, or something,
telling me where she was, if she was going to go
away like that. But I suppose, if it was an emergency,

She might not have had time. So here I am,
not sure what to do.
Maybe she’s in the studio, but that’s not likely,
with the path still covered in ice and a dusting of snow.
She hasn’t been to the studio for weeks, for months,

So why today of all days would she decide to wander
out back?
It’s not as if she’s run out of ideas, and can’t think
what she wants to do next. She just doesn’t have
the strength she used to have. For a long time

She worked in oil pastels but now she “inhabits boxes,”
as she describes it.
I liked the oil pastels, because of the way she could create
such deep, rich colors and such interesting textures.
The trouble is that oil pastels, like spray paints,

Can be hazardous to the health, so I don’t blame her.
It’s true no doubt
that her confusion stems in part from inhaling noxious
chemicals. If she’s not in the studio, I’ll call the hospital.

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